Importance.

Sometimes, there are people who come into your life unexpectedly. These people are different than others. Important in some way...for some reason. You look at them and there is a closeness to self, a sameness. An instinctive undersatnding. Sometimes these people stay and you are able to discover just what significance they have in your life. Others go away and the memory of them fades with time. You no longer remember how you could look into their eyes and see bits and pieces of yourself mixed in with other things that were foreign, strange, exciting. Instead they just become a name from some long forgotten past life. A chance that you could have had--a choice--that passed.
There's someone like that in my life right now. I don't know why. I can't really explain it. But I just know that this perosn is important to me. It's instinctive. But what will happen? This person will move on, go away, and become someone that I used to know, once, from that one place I lived for a short time.
I wonder sometimes if people ever feel this, too. If I ever show up and someone thinks, "Wow....do I know her? I sure want to. She's important."
Maybe it's just that I haven't lived enough life, yet, to see these things come full circle. Maybe, someday, all these important people who have crossed my path will some day show themselves again and then, finally, I'll understand those feelings. Or maybe these people really do represent the opportunities that my life could have were I to make a different choice.
But what if I were to fight for some of these people? I have before. And never won. But the people who have been important (and, I mean more than familiar....more than friends. Really IMPORTANT. I don't know of a different way to describe it...) who have stayed of their own choice? Man....have they been impactful.
I don't really know where I'm going with this....except that it's interesting to wonder and think about. If yesterday could happen again and if I had been different or the situations had been somehow different...if not my own choice but that of an important person had been different, how would I be different now? ....would I be having these thoughts about how important people are to me in life? Or would I just know that, to someone, I'm that important person, too.
What-ifs are useless unless you put them into a practice for our future.

If an obsticle is what keeps you apart, then what ever could be strong enough to keep you together?

I heard this song for the first time tonight while watching an operatic musical from the 1930s. The way that they sing it and the way that it just kind of tumbles....it's wonderful! And the movie is HILARIOUS! If anyone gets the chance to watch it, do! It's amazing.

Ah! The sweet mystery

Of life at last I've found thee

Ah! At last I know the secret of it all!

All the longing, seeking, striving, waiting, yearning

The burning hopes, the joy and idle tears that fall

I've a very strange feeling I've never felt before

'Tis a kind of grind of depression

My heart's aching strangly; it feels rather sore

At least it gives me that impression

My pulses leap madly without any cause

Believe me I'm telling you truly

I'm gay without pause

Then sad without pause

Yes, I'm falling in love with someone,

Plain to see

I'm sure I could love someone madly

If only someone would love me.

--Naughty Marietta (1935)

I just love old movies/musicals!!!

Enchanted

I'm sitting here, watching Enchanted. There are several scenes in it when the evil queen's hunchman is trying to kill Giselle. As we all know, at the end, the hunchman (Nathaniel) ends up turning on the queen, denouncing his feelings for her and blaming her for the terror that has been caused. What would have happened if the he had succeeded, though? What would have happened if Giselle was killed by that very first candied apple and Nathaniel had gone back home. He probably would have lived out his life as a survant, always pining for what he wanted and never being happy with what he had. He would have lived at the foot of evil and never even had that satisfaction of tasting of that power himself. Instead, he turned good. Wrote an inspirational book.....etc, etc, etc.
Is it possible, then, that sometimes our biggest obsticle is our own success? That, sometimes, our acheivements in life are the very things that hold us back from another potential? One that, perhaps is less glorious, and perhaps is not the one we had in mind, but is one that we are better to fulfill? Sometimes, maybe it's good to fail.
Thoughts, anyone?

I am an island.

I told a friend today that I wished for love. Every day, at 11:11, I make a wish. I figure that, with all of those wishes floating around in the cosmos, one of them is bound to come true.
I've been thinking about that wish today. About love. About how and why I want it. About what it means.
But I know what it means. Because I have it. I can wish for it and wish for it...and it'll be like wishing for rain here in Oregon. It comes. I have it. It's not always raining...but that moisture is always there. There's always the residual. Always the effect.
I've wondered for a long time why I'm not loved. What is it about me that seems to distance myself? My own personal motto has turned into "boy did the poets ever get this wrong...man really can be his (or in my case, her) own island."
And maybe I am. Maybe I am an island. Floating there in the sea. Solitary. One to my own. But you know what that means? That means that, at night, I am the last one that to whom the sun grants his kiss. That means that I shine out on an ocean of sameness as one difference...one hope for human life. That means that, within the arms of my shores, I hold a world different from any other. That means that what and who I am is preserved--waiting and pleading and desiring to be discovered.
And love? Isn't that what love is? Hope for life. Hope for the good things in life. Hope for all those things that make us who we are?
I'm not unlovable, though I am alone. I have amazing friends and an amazing family. I have the love of those people who support me every day simply by being there when I call.
And maybe it's not everything...maybe it's not what I want. But it's something...something amazing. And for now? It's going to be enough. Because even though that island may be going through a time of drought and famine...it still represents that hope. And, someday, that hope will be mine.